Susan, I don't like the sound of your post.  Please don't do anything you can't undo.  What you and your daughter think is unforgiveable now, might not seem so bad with the passage of a little time.  You need to feel loved and useful right now, maybe go volunteer at a shelter if at all possible, or with babies at the hospital, something, anything, to get you thinking about other people who don't have a connection to you.  I've felt like I didn't want to go on so many times, but it was just my current situation that was bringing me down.  Can't you envision some other life for yourself?  Do you have enough money to travel?  You're too focused on your family and you're not really living your own life.  This is the time to let them become whatever adults they're going to be and for you to let go of Mommy Susan and be whatever woman... not mother... that you want to be.  You're free now, Susan, you can do whatever you want, go do something that you've aways put off doing, please.
Oscar, I got going on the computer, looked up, and it was too late to walk, so I took my truck.  Then when it was time to play there was one person too many and I ended up drawing the bye so I had to turn around and come back home.  And now my partner for tomorrow's tournament has the flu so I'm scrambling to get another one.
Don't remember if I mentioned Hubby moved out.  We're on decent enough terms, which is really good because he could really screw me over at my work and down here, he could make enough trouble to get me kicked out of the park if he wanted to and probably make enough trouble to get me asked to leave the carnival I'm at, so it really had to be his idea to leave rather than me kicking him out.  Nobody yelled at me yesterday, it was so wonderful.
 

Susan, Wendy offered wonderful advice.  There is so much need for volunteers ~ Red Cross, senior communities, community programs.  It's hard to distance yourself from "mom" feelings with adult children, which I'm also currently dealing with but sometimes you've got to put yourself first and they will need to fend for themselves.  Start playing some of those games you've talked about not having time to play, even if it is only for a few minutes at a time.  They are such stress breakers for me, time to enjoy something just for you and forget all the other issues crowding in.  God Bless and prayers for your peace of mind.

oscar66 wrote:

I wanted to let you know that I lost my Winston yesterday. I can't express my sorrow at losing this piece of my heart.

Oscar, I'm so sorry.
 

oscar, so very sorry to hear this ~ he belonged to all of us, in spirit.

Oh No!  How very sad about Winston. We know how much he meant to you.  I'm so sorry, Oscar.